So I think I’m going freestyle today. Who could be clever or funny on a day like this? I’ve decided I am bored. I need a change in my life and have narrowed it down to a few possibilities – I can shave my head, buy a new home, get a new job, or find the love of my life. I already made an unsuccessful attempt at learning a new instrument this year. So yep. Now where is the razor?
I got up early today – a shocker I know. I guess I’m old.
I have a toothbrush holder with a capacity of four. There are currently two toothbrushes in there. They are both mine. Why I have two I’m not sure, but I do. Maybe it’s to look cool.
I need to update my condo, but if I buy a new home why bother? Maybe I’ll move out into the sticks – I'll buy a drumset and a piano and start a one-woman Metrowest band. And I'll make a point to drive into “the city” every now and then in an effort to retain my youth and super dooper cool edginess. I'll definitely need a BJ's membership. Who names their company BJ's? Sorry but that still makes me chuckle.
It’s raining today. Yep. And I already had coffee. It wasn’t that good. I have a check from my mom for $25 for Thanksgiving on my desk. I suppose I should cash it. She also sent me $20 for Easter. I guess some things you never outgrow. Or maybe my mom thinks I am poor with a major eating disorder. Perhaps both are true. She also sent me Girl Scout cookies last week, 3 boxes. No Thin Mints, no coconutty ones, no chocolate/peanut butter ones. So you know what that leaves, but I’m not complaining. That was sure nice of her.
A repressed memory I recently unearthed: I was about 8 or 9, and it was Easter Sunday at the only Catholic church in a 30-mile radius. I decided to change out of my dress and into appropriate Easter egg hunt attire in the back of my parent’s van. It was the 80s, so it was a big boy with two tones – brown and tan. A real beauty she was. Well I was a little chubby then and got stuck in my Easter dress. It's true. I remember wriggling and crying, and I stayed there stuck for a long time. I missed the Easter egg hunt. But I’m ok with that now. I probably wouldn’t have found any anyway. I was quite the underachiever then. Still am.
In fact I never won anything really. I had very few Brownie or Girl Scout badges, tried to eke out of reading books for book reports, got “S” for satisfactory and was ok with that, hated science projects, spent an entire Sunday making a last-minute diorama for the book Strawberry Girl which I hated (but certainly didn’t read), still hate dioramas and have just learned how to spell that.
Maybe I should have invented spellcheck. But I’m a pretty good spellar, so I probably wouldn’t have scene the need.
Anyway, on to not winning important things. I did win ribbons for field day, but never first place. I did win a giant stocking once, a popcorn maker, and two cakes on a cake walk. I also won $7 on a lottery ticket last year. I just cashed it in a few weeks ago. They shouldn’t give such a long time to claim those. Underachievers will wait forever.
My sister and brother won things. Top of the class, top athlete. I made dumb jokes and had a messy room and a rabbit with an impressive pile of poop in her cage. I fumbled my lead in Social Studies Jeopardy in 6th grade when I missed a dumb question. The pressure got to me. It was a short fall from grace.
I never sold many Girl Scout cookies, and I am pretty sure I had to buy the chocolate almond bars I was supposed to sell for school one year because I ate them all. So there went my allowance money.
I really need to cash these checks from my mom. There, I just brought this full circle. Well, sort of. (Remember I am an underachiever.) If you managed to make it through this stream of consciousness I truly envy your tenacity.
Maybe one of you can help me make a diorama...
