Raisins. I wonder how there is enough demand to sustain an entire industry. I contend that the raisin business is crumbling because, well, they're selling ... raisins. Does anyone eat raisins anymore? Do you have a box of raisins in your kitchen? Of course this is a half-baked theory (damnit! where is that research assistant when I need one?), but I think I’m onto something.
I never, ever hear a good thing about raisins from anybody. A few people despise them, but most seem impartial. They’re sort of a nuisance, something we tolerate between bites of the good stuff like oatmeal cookies and granola. But people are starting to wise up, and I fear that soon the raisin will be gone forever. Finito. Extincto.
Have you noticed a lot of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies these days? Ten years ago you might not have imagined cinnamon bagels without raisins, but they exist. And you might be thinking about rice pudding and how that always has raisins, but who the hell eats rice pudding? (I mean really. Who?) Celery with peanut butter and raisins, you ask? Nope, we’re down to just peanut butter, my friends. Raisins are being rubbed out of everything!
And it ain't right.
So I’ve started a Save the Raisins campaign. It is my mission to create a safe environment for the revival of the raisin, or ROR if you will. But first I need to start a little buzz by getting Alberto Gonzalez to fire them and Lindsay Lohan to crash into them. It’s about time somebody spoke up on behalf of raisins and got them the attention they deserve.
I hope you're all with me in this important cause.
For more information, click here: www.savetheraisins.org
