Signs of a Bad Day at Work

You know it's a bad day at work when you:

-- Don’t mind being called “Michelle” or “Lisa” or any other name that may or may not be similar to your own

-- Eagerly read your junk email and wonder if those stock tips might be worth considering

-- Are unable to eat your Peanut M&Ms because it interferes with your excessively loud sighing

-- Pace different floors of your building in hopes of finding a quiet spot to throw a tantrum

-- Plan "Project Sugar Momma: The Ultimate Search for the Ideal Woman"

-- Plan "Project Sugar Daddy: When Project Sugar Momma Fails But You Still Have Bills to Pay"

-- Wonder why you ate so much cottage cheese for lunch

-- Consider faking a British accent so you can leave work 5 hours early

-- Think it can’t possibly only be 4:20…hey, 4:20! Light ‘em up, dude!

-- Imagine stuffing a tire swing down the throat of the crabby girl with the bad Boston accent who sits near you

-- Imagine riding a tire swing around the office and think how your high school teachers would be so proud because they always knew you had potential

Swimmie the Fish

When I was a kid my brother had a goldfish named Swimmie. Sure, he was black and not gold, and ok he wasn’t a very good swimmer. But he was the only poor- swimming, black-and-not-gold goldfish we ever had. (FYI: Swimmie died in a tragic accident wherein he was sucked up through the tubes of the aerator. I like to think he went quickly).

I was reminded of Swimmie recently, and I thought that – despite the irony – his name was quite cute. Swimmie the Fish had the right idea. He was a fish. He swam. His name was Swimmie.

How simple would life be if our names illustrated what we did? Wouldn’t that be great?

Some examples:

Limpie the homeless guy (I’m sorry to break it to you or sound insensitive, but they always have a limp – it’s about time someone said it)

Suckie the prostitute

Instigatie the talk show host

Interuptie at homie the telemarketer

Brain freezie the ice cream taster

Flee-ie the fugitive

Dispensie the wet nurse

Spelunkie the gynecologist

Talkie on cell phonie the cab driver

Just Doing My Part

According to a recent BBC World News article:

"There are 200 million blogs which are no longer being updated."

Here's to keeping it from skyrocketing to 200,000,001.

Thank you.

Yep...A New Year

Hope this year is better than last
And you don't step in dog
Poo like I did and wonder what the hell smelled so bad
Perhaps in 2006 you made resolutions
You never kept because you

Forgot to stop smoking, get organized
Understand Japanese, Thighmaster your thighs
Consider all that occured in the year past
Kites stuck in trees, misplaced keys
Injuries that required a cast
New things you bought that ended up sucking
Girlfriends you had that didn't like …but

Next year
Endless improvements
Wide open opportunity for you to be better

Yoga or yogurt or Yellowstone vacations
Envision a new year, a new you
Aspirations
Resolutions to forget in 2007