Swimmie the Fish

When I was a kid my brother had a goldfish named Swimmie. Sure, he was black and not gold, and ok he wasn’t a very good swimmer. But he was the only poor- swimming, black-and-not-gold goldfish we ever had. (FYI: Swimmie died in a tragic accident wherein he was sucked up through the tubes of the aerator. I like to think he went quickly).

I was reminded of Swimmie recently, and I thought that – despite the irony – his name was quite cute. Swimmie the Fish had the right idea. He was a fish. He swam. His name was Swimmie.

How simple would life be if our names illustrated what we did? Wouldn’t that be great?

Some examples:

Limpie the homeless guy (I’m sorry to break it to you or sound insensitive, but they always have a limp – it’s about time someone said it)

Suckie the prostitute

Instigatie the talk show host

Interuptie at homie the telemarketer

Brain freezie the ice cream taster

Flee-ie the fugitive

Dispensie the wet nurse

Spelunkie the gynecologist

Talkie on cell phonie the cab driver