The Chamber

The bathroom in my office fascinates me. After a year I finally realized that the frequent clicking sound was automated air freshener and not (a) some cuckoo opening a can of soda, or (b) some cuckoo taking pictures for the 2007 Women of Office Products calendar. (I wanted to be Miss July so I could wear my Lady Liberty suit and hold a dry erase marker above my head)

And today was a rather special day in the bathroom. By some strange force of nature, there was a small feather on the counter. Seriously, a feather? From what? What Yankee Doodle brings a feather into the bathroom? It’s not like we sell feather pens. Perhaps there are meetings for the National Audubon Society? A make-your-own-boa party? I don’t know - the feather is a bit of a mystery to me.

So it’s an unpredictable bathroom. Since it is shared among many women on my floor, I never know what lucky souls will share in the experience. And although supplies are generally well-stocked, there is certainly no guarantee that the toilet paper in the holder will actually roll off of the bottom roll with the 15 lb one on top squishing it down.

There are three sinks and one paper towel dispenser. The paper towel dispenser might accommodate your needs if you can figure out how to keep that one pesky section on the right from wrinkling and getting caught inside. I personally have not mastered this art and find the more I try, the more wrinkly paper towel gets stuck inside. So we have bionic arms, GPS navigation systems, Chia Pets, the International Space Station, and genetically-modified food. But reliable paper towel dispensers? Not so much.

As for the sinks, Sink 1 clogs very easily and is often decorated by long dark hairs and random toothpaste splatters. Sink 2 is used 89% of the time and, consequently, its soap pumper often suffers from fatigue or goes on strike. This leaves Sink 3, which sucks because it’s one of those push-down 3-second water dispensing deals, so an adequate hand-washing requires excessive effort. Pshhht. Off. Pshhht. Off. Pshht. Off … Who has that kind of time???

Apparently I do! So if anyone needs me, I’ll be in the chamber…with strangers, and feathers, and toilet paper strips, and malfunctioning dispensers, and – because I never stop dreaming – a dry erase marker.