Dear Reese’s,
What the HELL is going on with you? Have you gone mad? You were once an icon -- the simple, distinctive, and flawless Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. But I feel like I don’t even know you anymore!
Now there’s the double chocolate, the fudge, the caramel, the white chocolate, and I could swear you once tried the cookie-bottom Reese’s and inside-out Reese’s with the peanut butter on the outside. WTF?
And what is up with the Crispy Crunchy bar? The Crispy Crunchy bar. Hmm. This seems rather familiar to me…wait, I think I have it. Oh yes, that’s right, a ... Butterfinger. You ripped off the Nestle Butterfinger!!! Reese’s, how could you do such a thing?
We’re fat, gluttonous Americans. So for us you introduced the Big Cup. That’s nice. But have you ever purchased something called the Big Cup? It’s embarrassing! As if that isn’t bad enough, it too comes in white chocolate. White chocolate? There’s no chocolate in white chocolate, so I’m assuming by “white” you mean “not.” And who decided that not chocolate would go well with peanut butter? Is George Washington Carver aware of this?
I must admit I found the “Limited Edition” line rather eye-opening. Apparently this is the elite line of your products that never makes it to the half-price bin at Wal-Mart. I guess that’s your way of saying, “If you think you’ll be able to get your hands on any miniatures with nuts, think again bucko. These are limited edition.” And I’m sorry, but Limited Edition Marshmallow? Are you kidding me!
Oh, Reese’s, how the mighty fall! But I haven’t given up on you. You don’t need to pretend anymore. When you come back to your senses, I will support you and welcome you home. I know who you really are and love you for it. So, please, say goodbye flash-in-the-pan snacks and dedicate yourself to the classic that made me love you.
Sincerely,
An Old Friend
What the HELL is going on with you? Have you gone mad? You were once an icon -- the simple, distinctive, and flawless Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. But I feel like I don’t even know you anymore!
Now there’s the double chocolate, the fudge, the caramel, the white chocolate, and I could swear you once tried the cookie-bottom Reese’s and inside-out Reese’s with the peanut butter on the outside. WTF?
And what is up with the Crispy Crunchy bar? The Crispy Crunchy bar. Hmm. This seems rather familiar to me…wait, I think I have it. Oh yes, that’s right, a ... Butterfinger. You ripped off the Nestle Butterfinger!!! Reese’s, how could you do such a thing?
We’re fat, gluttonous Americans. So for us you introduced the Big Cup. That’s nice. But have you ever purchased something called the Big Cup? It’s embarrassing! As if that isn’t bad enough, it too comes in white chocolate. White chocolate? There’s no chocolate in white chocolate, so I’m assuming by “white” you mean “not.” And who decided that not chocolate would go well with peanut butter? Is George Washington Carver aware of this?
I must admit I found the “Limited Edition” line rather eye-opening. Apparently this is the elite line of your products that never makes it to the half-price bin at Wal-Mart. I guess that’s your way of saying, “If you think you’ll be able to get your hands on any miniatures with nuts, think again bucko. These are limited edition.” And I’m sorry, but Limited Edition Marshmallow? Are you kidding me!
Oh, Reese’s, how the mighty fall! But I haven’t given up on you. You don’t need to pretend anymore. When you come back to your senses, I will support you and welcome you home. I know who you really are and love you for it. So, please, say goodbye flash-in-the-pan snacks and dedicate yourself to the classic that made me love you.
Sincerely,
An Old Friend
P.S.
Seriously, WTF???
