(Funny) Apologies to My Family

MOM: I’m sorry you are the source of so much humor. You’re the nicest, most considerate person ever. But really, the comment about requesting apple sauce in a restaurant because you sometimes just “like a good bowl of apple sauce” made all of us laugh. And, ok, I have mimicked the way you lean WAY back (that is really far!) to finish the very bottom of your Caffeine Free Diet Coke, but it was all in good fun. The “go around, please” signal you give to other walkers when you clasp your hands behind you and stroll leisurely along is great. And seriously, the time you fell out of the boat – are you kidding me???

DAD: I do a pretty good impersonation of you. So I’m sorry that everyone I know thinks you begin each sentence with “Well, hell, Nancy…” in a deep Southern accent. But the truth is, well, you kinda do. You do sound like the crazy love child of Dr. Phil and Boss Hog. But you’re very smart and self-made, so I guess the accent is working for you.

KATH: I have no idea how you got that scar on your knee. You’ve never, EVER done anything (a) dangerous, (b) athletic, or (c) outdoors. So I’m sorry I made fun of your geekiness by saying that you “Were setting up your new computer and tripped and fell when you got distracted by your poster of Captain T. Kirk” to explain the scar. That wasn’t nice. But I must say I’ve gotten good mileage out of it. For the record, I know you’re smarter than me, so that counts for something right?

MIKE: You’re a great-looking guy and everybody likes you. So I’m sorry that I tell everyone about your hairy back and that when you were young you stuck a toothpick up your nose to bring on a sneeze. Both of those things are just weird and a little gross. Oh, and I’m sorry I stole $20 from your mini-safe when we were teenagers. I must say, the combination lock really wasn’t very effective. I guess I’ll have to pay you back in Euros, mon frere!