You see, while you have been deep in a pink-fairy-filled slumber, I have been making great strides. You may not know this, but every night into the wee hours of the morning, I've toiled. I’ve struggled. I've single-handedly moved what seem like mountains. I have …
Straightened my teeth.
It's true. And here's why: My parents didn’t love me enough to get me braces as a kid. Or, ok, maybe they figured with boy haircuts, an inability to divide fractions, invisible friends, and a hamster named after Joan Jett, crooked teeth were the least of my problems. Anyway, such was my youth.
Then one day… yes ONE DAY… I looked at my 30-year-old self in the mirror and thought “Jesus, is THAT why I am single?!” **
This is what I saw:
YIKES!!!! And thus, the quest. Thus, the Invisalign.
If you don't know much about Invisalign, here's the skinny. Imagine a series of plastic retainer-like pieces each worn for two weeks. With the exception of eating and drinking, they should be worn at all times. (Yes, ahem, all times.) They're easy to clean, assuming you're not embarrassed to buy old lady denture tabs. They're virtually unnoticable, as long as you ignore the lisp and renegade spittle. And, sure, they're easy to remove, if you're ok with a string of drool landing on your chin. (And where to put them at those fancy cocktail parties?) Mine have floated in many a cup in many a friend or girlfriend's home. They have have fallen into icky public sinks. One set mysteriously disappeared on a Jet Blue flight. Ugh, it hasn't been pretty. . . but look at these results!
This is me now:
Stunning huh!
Thank you Invisalign!
** Note, through extensive research it has been determined that this is not, in fact, why I am single.
