I don’t know when. But at some point recently, a few common phrases in the English language underwent minor surgery.
Remember when the phrase was “In the meantime”? Well it seems that “In the meantime” is using a nickname these days. Just as Michaels often become Mikes and Jennifers often become Jenns, “In the meantime” has become, well, just “Meantime.”
And remember when “As a matter of fact” was a five-worder? Nope. Not anymore. Now it’s “Matter of fact.” I guess the “as a” was just dead weight.
Why do we do this? Are we that pressed for time? If so, it doesn’t explain our reliance on superfluous words like “actually” and “literally” or our use of tedious speech like “I guess what I’m trying to say is…” when we could just ... uh... SAY. IT.
So I’ve decided it’s not about saving time. This is a part of a BIG conspiracy against LITTLE words like a, as, in, it, my, the, and so on. And the first step is rubbing them out of introductory phrases like “In the meantime” and “As a matter of fact.” But why stop there?
- The next time someone asks when you’ll be ready, tell them “Jiffy.”
- And in a discussion of ideals, throw a little “Perfect world? I’d like to be encased in a giant Reese’s peanut butter cup and forced to eat my way out” on the table.
- And if you’re ever asked if you’d do Jacoby Ellsbury, yell “Heartbeat! Hell yeah!” and ask where you can sign up.
- And if your estimation skills are being put to the test, go all “Rule of thumb, I’d say about the size of a giant pumpkin” on their asses.
- And if your hot date asks what you think, stir things up with some “Humble opinion, I think it’s total crap” no matter what.
- And as the climax to your classic irony story (again), wow them with a “Turns out, the stain was actually caused by the soap! Who knew?!”
I think we can make this work. Perhaps if we all come together we can rub these pesky little words out of common phrases. Fact, I think we can get rid of them entirely!
