The Dirty Half Dozen

This weekend I bought a half dozen organic eggs for $2.29. Apparently, in the egg world (the henhouse, if you will) this is the new going price. But if you ask me, for $2.29 the eggs should scramble themselves and then tell me how good looking I am. I know, I sound more like Archie Bunker than the ultra-cool, urban-hipster I could be ... if only I weren't totally uncool in my Aunt Jemima bandanna and tank top from 1998 as I type about buying eggs after a weekend without a hot date.

Anyway, had there been a cheaper option -- or had I been paying attention -- I certainly would have gone for it. But, alas, it seems the half-dozen-89-cents-guys are a thing of the past, at least around here.

So this got me thinking...what could be so much better about these eggs than the good old fashioned cheap ones? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't the eggs so much as the chickens. Apparently there is quite a difference between the types of chickens producing the eggs.

It seems I have been buying eggs from chickens like this:

These would be considered your run of the mill hooker chickens. Their eggs are cheaper, grittier, and may or may not contain cigarette butts.

But what I was unaware of is that classy people buy eggs from chickens like this:

This would be the very elite, corporate attorney chicken. And their eggs are purely delightful! They're simply pleasureful! Exceptional!

Ok, sure, they don't tell me how good looking I am, but I feel good looking when I eat them. And that, my friends, is all that matters. If an egg produced from a chicken carrying a Burberry purse can make me feel pretty (and witty, and gay!) then, damnit, that's worth $2.29. So screw you, Archie.