(Funny) Apologies to My Friends

Heidi: The truth is you are just funnier than I am. So I’m sorry that I plan to steal some of your funny lines with hopes of passing them off as my own. I really want to use, “It rained so much I needed a snorkel”, but I just can’t find anyone to give me the right lead-in. I will work on that. And the fact that you want your cat to create a blog called “TAILS of My Ordinary Life” is priceless. Sorry, I’m stealing that one too.

Kim: I’m sorry I call you every day from work. But really – you’re home with twins and I KNOW you are home with twins. See, I love a break in the middle of the day. And, well, everyone else (no offense) is gainfully employed. It’s great - you tell me about, uh, playing with baby toys and I tell you about, uh, the exciting world of office products. That is reciprocity at its best!

And I’m sorry that anytime someone trips and falls, I call it “Pulling a Kim.” But seriously, what was up with you in late 2003???

Stacey: I’m sorry I don’t own any of the following: those weird giant yoga balls, that weird Reebok core trainer/skateboard thing you had, free weights, weights that cost money, flax seed, or a gym membership.

You’re a dietician and personal trainer, and I would love to include more of your passion into my life. I eat fairly well and stay somewhat fit. And for you that is good enough - I appreciate that. Oh, and I’m sorry I never *actually* did any of the strengthening exercises you set up for me (wow, that really took a lot of your time, huh?). That was sure nice of you.

Brooke: I’m sorry I tense up when you drive. But seriously, you have become a crazy driver in recent years! Really, I’m sitting right here – let ME find your cigarettes for you, let ME write out your shopping list, and let ME sift through the contents of your purse…because it is in the BACK seat! I’m happy to help.

Sandy: I’m sorry I have a slight crush on your rock-star fiancé. But he is really cute – I love the tattoos and sense of humor! But don’t worry, he doesn’t want me (I tried) and doesn’t feel we are meant to be together forever (I asked) and isn’t willing to run away with me to Morocco (I had to cancel the reservations). So I’m sorry about that. Really.

Emily: I’m sorry that we lost touch for a while, and I really should have put more effort into making sure you hadn’t (a) been institutionalized (b) been abducted, (c) run away with the circus, or (d) become a televangelist. I guess I just assumed everything was ok with you. So I’m sorry if any of those things did happen and you needed help.

My work friends: I’m sorry about the silly email. I really do try to keep it to a minimum! I work hard but get bored. I need outlets. I like to type. But would it KILL you to entertain me with your wit and insight periodically? You should all be flattered!

Oh…and I’m sorry that I still can’t eat with chopsticks and must ask for a fork when we eat sushi. That must be embarrassing for you.